


I've got a crush on you

by nommonkeypie (Tessa_Harrison)



Series: can't get you out of my head [2]
Category: Block B
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9295331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tessa_Harrison/pseuds/nommonkeypie
Summary: This was stupid. It was a bad idea. Jiho was going to get into so much trouble for this. All this would do would invite trouble into his life. He was going to get in trouble for this. Maybe not right now but someday, this would come back to haunt him.He could deal with it when the time came.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who gave support and love for the first part!
> 
> I love you Galya and Mena. Please don't kill me <3

He woke with a start, sitting up in bed. His stomach protested the sudden movement. His head protested too. He could feel every beat of his heart pounding at his eyeballs. What the hell had he been drinking last night? It’d been a long time since he’d had a hangover this bad.

And then the bed shifted and it all came back.

He stared at the lump next to him. He couldn’t see much, just a tiny bit of hair peeking out from under the blanket. But it was enough.

The bile rose almost immediately. He scrambled, barely making it to the toilet in time. And once it started, it didn’t stop. He felt like he was hugging the toilet for hours. His throat felt raw from the combination of alcohol and bile. He couldn’t stop shaking and he wasn’t sure if it was from guilt or just how drained he felt. He wanted to lay down, to close his eyes, and have this all be a bad dream.

Instead he stood up, flushing the toilet several times because once just didn’t feel like it was good enough to wash away the evidence. As he turned on the sink so he could wash his face, he heard the door in the other room close.

 -

It was amazing how much time he spent sitting around, doing absolutely nothing. For someone who constantly liked having something to do (except for those rare moments when he CHOSE to do nothing), it was torture. But there wasn’t a whole lot Jiho could do at the moment. Not when they were waiting for their flight to take off.

Traveling was part of the job but it definitely wasn’t the most fun or glamorous part. Thankfully it was a short flight, just to Japan for a few concerts. Which wouldn’t be too bad if it weren’t for that fact that they were currently just sitting on the plane, still waiting for take off which was supposed to have happened almost twenty minutes ago. But a nasty wind had come out of nowhere and there was just enough rain that they hadn’t been cleared for take off yet.

Not that that little fact seemed to bother the rest of his group. Their manager and Hanhae-hyung were both asleep, using each other as pillows. Yukwon and Minho were both on their phones. Jiho wasn’t sure if they were texting each other or their other halves. To be honest, it was hard to tell. And Kyung had his laptop out, typing away at something. Jiho wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

The pilot came on, saying they would be waiting at least fifteen more minutes. The entire plane seemed to groan in annoyance and frustration. For a quick, simple flight it sure was turning into a pain in the ass.

Jiho pulled out his phone as well. Might as well since they were just sitting there. He opened Instagram, snapping a picture of Kyung, Minho, and Yukwon all staring at their various devices and posted it before any of them could notice.

It took a moment but he could see when at least Yukwon got the notification because the guy just looked over at Jiho and laughed.

He had a shit ton of notifications. He really didn’t even want to deal with them but it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. Most of it seemed to be fangirls tagging him in various stuff. He was about to close the app when he spotted something that seemed familiar.

Clicking on the picture, Jiho grinned.

The photo had been posted a couple of days ago. It was still just as good as it had been that night it’d been taken. They still had at least a few more minutes before the flight was supposed to take off so he clicked on the poster’s name (ahnjae1223 apparently) and found a familiar face.

He realized what he’d found right away. It was that photographer/fan’s account. Scrolling through it, Jiho decided on a couple of things right away. One, the fan really liked to take pictures of himself. And two, he really should have gotten the guy’s number when he’d had the chance.

“I have been told we are third in line,” the pilot’s voice said, pulling Jiho back to being on the plane for a moment. “We should be taking off in about another 10 minutes.”

Of course. Just Jiho’s luck that he finally found something interesting and they’d have the flight attendants coming through in a moment to make sure people put their phones away.

_Hey, I like the pic. You should have sent it to me. I might have seen it sooner._

Noticing the flight attendant already speaking to Kyung about his laptop, Jiho put his phone on airplane mode and settled in for the short hop over to Japan.

 -

Jaehyo’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it for the moment, more focused on Taeil’s hands. He’d finally convinced the guy to let him photograph all his tattoos.  And there were a lot of them. But Jaehyo was fascinated by them, had always been. He knew a few of them already. It was hard to miss the writing on Taeil’s fingers or the ones on the guy’s hands after all. He’d gone along for a few of them too.

He didn’t know how Taeil could sit through them each time. It was all Jaehyo could do to not wince in pain at the memory of getting his own tattoo years and years ago.

“How much longer?” Taeil complained, shifting as he spoke. “My shift starts in an hour.”

Jaehyo ignored his friend, snapping a few more of the owl that dominated his friend’s chest. The artwork on it was beautiful. Not necessarily Jaehyo’s style but he could appreciate the work that went into it. He didn’t want to think about how painful it had to have been though.

“Last one,” Jaehyo said before snapping it. He looked up from his camera, a smile on his face. “Thanks for this, by the way.” He knew Taeil was a little shy about showing off the owl. It was more personal than the colorful ones that decorated his friend’s arms. He hadn’t heard the story behind it yet but he knew there had to be one. Or maybe there wasn’t. Jaehyo really didn’t know.

“You didn’t tell me it’d take so long,” Taeil complained as he pulled on his shirt. “If I’m late to work because of this…”

“If you’re late to work, I’ll buy you dinner,” Jaehyo finished.

That put a smile on Taeil’s face. “Steak. And not the cheap shit either. I want the good stuff.”

Of course. “Only if you let me use some of these in a gallery exhibit,” Jaehyo shot back. “Nothing that’d show your face,” he promised.

Taeil hesitated for a moment before nodding. “But if you sell any of mine, I want a cut of the commission.”

Jaehyo thought about it before nodding in agreement. It did seem fair. “We can figure it out later.”

The place felt emptier after Taeil left. It was something Jaehyo hated, living alone. It did have some benefits like he never ran out of hot water and he never had to worry about unexpected guests and his beer didn’t magically disappear (expect any time Taeil came over). But it was lonely. It was quiet and more than a few times he wondered what it would be like if he had roommates. Times like this made him miss his family but moving to Seoul had been his idea. Had seemed neccessary if he really wanted to make it big as a photograher.

He pulled out his phone and froze as he turned on the screen.

_Hey, I like the pic. You should have sent it to me. I might have seen it sooner._

Those few little lines were sitting in his inbox, a direct message from Zico himself if Instagram was to be believed.

Jaehyo sat on his bed, body feeling like it was about to go limp. He wasn’t sure his legs would support his weight. He leaned back, using the wall as support. He laid there, focusing on breathing because doing anything else made him feel like he’d explode.

It felt like forever but he finally managed to calm down enough to respond.

_You probably get a million messages a day. I thought you’d just ignore mine if I sent one._

It was true. That really had been the thought on why he’d posted it to his personal account rather than just sending it in a message to Zico. Besides, he had no doubts that Zico had a filter on his account so he didn’t have to get messages from people he didn’t know.

Jaehyo waited for a moment, wondering if he’d get a reply or not. One didn’t come immediately. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

_I’m glad you like it though. I think it’s one of the best ones I’ve ever taken._

He felt silly for saying that. It was true but geez, what a fan thing to say. As if he hadn’t embarrassed himself enough in front of Zico before.

Noticing that the guy in question had updated while Jaehyo had been taking pictures of Taeil’s tattoos, Jaehyo checked out what he’d missed. He laughed when he saw the picture of Block B, all sitting neatly in a row of an airplane, all staring at a phone or laptop. In another time, on another account, Jaehyo would have instantly liked it. But now that Zico knew about this account, might even be watching for it, Jaehyo felt hesitant to do so.

_lololol I’m not sure you’re much better_

That wasn’t too bad of a comment to leave, was it? But it was true. Zico had used his own phone to post it so that meant four out of the five members had been on some sort of device.

-

Jiho stretched out on the bed, letting out a happy sigh of relief. It’d been a long, exhausting day and he was just excited to have a few minutes alone. He could hear Kyung going on about something somewhere down the hall but that was their manager’s problem right now.

Jiho did sneak a glance over at the door of his room to make sure it was locked. He’d learned that lesson a long time ago when Kyung thought it’d be funny to jump on Jiho in the middle of the night. It wasn’t like he was planning on doing anything but the security of the locked door was nice.

His phone had a ton of notifications and an almost dead battery. Of course it did. Groaning as he did it, Jiho rolled over to the side where his bag lay open next to the bed. It took a few moments but he found his charger.

The nice thing about hotels? They had outlets everywhere in the room. He didn’t even have to get up to find an outlet.

Out of curiosity, he checked Instagram first. Mostly a bunch of nonsense he didn’t care about but then he spotted what he was looking for.

His new photographer acquaintance had replied to the earlier message. The response made Jiho laugh and shoot back one of his own.

_Well you had a good model_

The reply came almost instantly this time.

_Yeah, the model was decent. I think the model I had today might have been better :p_

Jiho laughed. Who was this guy? He definitely wasn’t a boring fan, that much was for sure. He couldn’t help but wonder just who this better model was though.

He knew he shouldn’t but Jiho had to ask.

_You really think someone else is better than me?_

Was he really getting jealous? Jiho shook his head. Couldn’t be. It was just the long day getting to him. He shifted so that he was laying down in a better position. The workaholic in him said he shouldn’t waste the time, should get his laptop out and work on the song that’d been in his head lately.

His phone buzzed, letting him know he had another message.

_I was shooting a friend. He’s got a bunch of tattoos and was letting me take pictures of them_

Well that was interesting. Not at all what he expected to see as a reply. Was this guy a fan of tattoos? It shouldn’t have been a big shock to Jiho. The guy was a fan of his and Jiho certainly had plenty of ink.

_Are you a fan of tattoos?_

He was legitimately curious. He knew more people were accepting them but this fanboy had seemed so soft and clean-cut. And his selcas only backed that up. Every single one was either cute or ridiculously handsome. A few were both and Jiho wasn’t sure how that was possible.

_I find them interesting. I’m always curious about the stories behind them, especially since my own is really stupid_

Jiho sat up when he read that. This guy had tattoos? What? That was unexpected. It made no sense, not with how soft the guy had seemed.

_Never would have pictured you as someone with tattoos. Let me see_

No response came for a little while. After a few minutes, Jiho gave up waiting and pulled up the lyrics he’d been working on.

He didn’t actually expect to get a picture in response. But he did and it made his stomach give a little slip. No tattoos were present in it. Instead, it was a selca of the fan pouting. Was his hair wet? It looked like it might have been. Shit, had this guy just gotten out of the shower?

Jiho decided at that moment that this guy was definitely not good for his health.

Another picture popped up before Jiho could figure out how he was supposed to respond to that selca. This time the photo seemed to show a body part with what looked like the letters ‘K R’ on it.

_It’s really stupid_

_A friend who wanted the practice asked if he could_

_I was stupid and said yes and told him to do the initials of the girlfriend I had at the time_

The messages came one after the other, somehow coming across as apologetic sounding. It made Jiho like the guy more. Besides, that pout...it looked so off and wrong on the guy’s face but at the same time, it was somehow weirdly cute.

_Not the best story but still an interesting one_

This time, there was no reply.

-

Jaehyo eyed his phone. It sat on his bed, looking all nice and innocent but he knew it had to the potential to be dangerous. All he had to look was look at those messages on Instagram.

Two days since that exchange of messages.

Jaehyo wasn’t sure how he felt about that. It seemed like a dream, like it hadn’t been real but he knew it was. All he had to do was look at the messages. Again. He’d looked at them several times over the last couple of days, practically memorizing every word Zico had sent him.

He felt bad every time he saw that last message from Zico.

_Not the best story but still an interesting one_

The words practically taunted him. Jaehyo hadn’t replied and it made him feel guilty. Had he blown it by not responding? But he had decided not to respond immediately because the reply had pissed him off at first. It didn’t matter that it was true, it still got to him.

Going over, Jaehyo sat on his bed and leaned back, resting against the wall. He just wanted to scroll through the news, distract himself because he’d just been dwelling on those messages ever since. Except that damn little Instagram notification had popped up.

It was probably just a friend. Jaehyo let himself believe that up until the moment he read the words on his screen.

_I’m bored_

Jaehyo snorted in amusement. Something about those two little words came across as cute and childish.

_I’m sitting here with nothing to do_

The second message was even more amusing.

Jaehyo snapped a selca and sent it along with a message that said _I’m not up to much myself_

Even though he was halfway expecting it, Jaehyo’s breath still caught in his throat when the little ‘seen’ icon showed up.

_Keep me entertained_

An electric shock went through Jaehyo when he read those words. He’d never expected to see something like that.

_I’m not sure how…_

It was such an odd request. Jaehyo shifted so that he was laying down instead of leaning against the wall. This was comfier and that seemed important since he had a feeling he’d be here for a while.

_Tell me about yourself. You probably know a bunch about me_

Jaehyo blushed. Yeah. Yeah, he knew quite a bit about Zico. Not that he particularly wanted to admit that to the guy.

_What do you want to know? It feels weird to just start talking about myself_

Plus he didn’t know where to start or what to say. The only topic they had in common was Block B and that was not a thing Jaehyo felt comfortable talking to Zico about at the moment. Too weirdly personal.

_Got any siblings?_

Oh. Jaehyo smiled a little at the simple, easy question.

_An older brother. He lives in Busan in with the rest of my family_

Of course, Jaehyo already knew that Zico had an older brother as well. And that Zico’s brother was the same age as Jaehyo himself. Saying all of that was something he definitely didn’t want to say though because that would be showing off way too much of the fanboy side of himself. He was afraid to show that side. It’d scare Zico away, Jaehyo was sure of that. Just like telling the guy that Jaehyo had the world’s biggest crush on him would.

_Guess I’m not the only little brother then. You guys close?_

He could almost see Zico sitting there, typing away at his phone. The mental image was cute. Jaehyo couldn’t help the smile that popped up at the thought.

_We were closer when we were younger but he’s busy now. Married and has a daughter so…_

Was he saying too much? Jaehyo hoped this was okay, that he wasn’t annoying Zico.

_Wait, how old are you?_

The question did two things to Jaehyo. He couldn’t help but laugh but it was tinged with disappointment.  It was a cute question. But at the same time, he’d kind of hoped that Zico had remembered that one little tidbit from the fanmeet when they’d first met. Apparently not.

_lololol, I told you the first time we met. I’m 2 years older_

It was probably the cheekiest thing he’d said to Zico and he hoped it wouldn’t turn around and bite him in the ass.

_You don’t look like you’re older_

Jaehyo had to set his phone down for a moment. Was that supposed to be a compliment? He decided it was supposed to be one. Apparently he wasn’t the only one being cheeky.

_You don’t act like you’re younger_

He held his breath in anticipation. Something like that would mean he’d never end up talking to Zico again or it would amuse him. There would be no in-between.

No reply came. It was disappointing but he couldn’t help but hope that maybe Zico had just gotten busy. Jaehyo wasn’t really up on what Block B’s schedule was now but they were probably doing some sort of activity. Laying around wasn’t going to do anything. It’d just make him paranoid.

-

Who was this guy?

Jiho couldn’t believe some of the responses. This was definitely not the typical fan and the more he started to see of Jaehyo’s life, the more he wanted to see. It was so different from Jiho’s own but somehow completely fascinating.

He looked up from his phone for a moment, glad his workaholic tendencies let him get his own hotel room whenever they traveled. The mirror across from the bed showed a goofy grin on his face.

_How’d you end up in photography anyways?_

It’d been on his mind a little ever since he’d first seen that photo online. Jaehyo’s stuff was good.

Jiho couldn’t help but be disappointed that he didn’t get an answer immediately even thought he could see that Jaehyo had seen it.

_I got discovered when I was younger. For a while, I was on this ulzzang show and it got me interested in that sort of thing. I even thought about trying to join an agency, go the model route or maybe even the idol one but I decided I liked being behind the camera more_

Jiho stared at his phone, reading the words over and over. There was a lot there to take in. But the ulzzang part...he scrolled up to the selca Jaehyo had sent earlier, studying the image. He could believe it. Even in something random and casual like this, Jaehyo was ridiculously good looking. Definitely someone who could have had a modeling career if he’d wanted it.

_What show? I wanna watch it_

And that right there put Jiho more at ease too. Knowing that Jaehyo had once been on tv, had once had people watching him all the time. It made Jaehyo seem more real, like someone who could actually understand the world Jiho lived in. Maybe Jaehyo wasn’t someone who would always stay a fanboy (though Jiho himself knew that was already a lie--he liked Jaehyo too much to not want to be friends with him).

_NO! Don’t look for it!_

Oh, well now he had to. Jiho laughed as his screen was quickly filled up with a string of ‘no’s from Jaehyo.

_Seriously, it’s the most embarrassing thing ever, don’t look for it_

The last message made Jaehyo sound like a cute kid. Jiho couldn’t help but like the guy a little more. It was hard to dislike someone who just seemed to be so honest and good.

_All the protesting makes me want to_

He couldn’t help it. Teasing Jaehyo was fun. Jiho was curious about the show but he was realistic enough to realize that even if he could find it, he’d probably never have the time to watch it. Didn’t mean he had to tell Jaehyo that though.

Jiho laughed. The pout on Jaehyo’s face was great. Looking at it, Jiho could definitely believe the guy had been an ulzzang. Even with a silly pout, he looked good. As someone who made his living partially off his own looks, Jiho couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t fair.

_Fine. I won’t look it up_

He decided to take pity on the guy. Besides, that didn’t mean Jiho might not look it up at a later time...not that he’d tell Jaehyo that.

Another selca popped up on Jiho’s screen. This time, Jaehyo was grinning with his fingers in a ‘V’. Again, the unfairness of just how good looking this guy was got to Jiho just a little.

_You really like to send selcas_

The message had barely sent when the reply came.

_They’re more fun than just sending words and are better at showing how you feel_

Jiho thought about that for a moment. That made a certain amount of sense. He shouldn’t have been surprised to hear that from a photographer either. Jaehyo made his living off of photos and even though he’d also said he preferred being behind the camera...he didn’t seem to be showing that much dislike for being in front of it now.

Reading that last message again, Jiho gave a little chuckle as he flipped his own camera on.

-

_Like this?_

It felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. Jaehyo couldn’t breathe. He set his phone down and closed his eyes, taking a long slow breath in before letting it out. He did this a few more times before he could look at his phone again.

Zico looked like he was in a bed, pillows propping him so that he was in a comfy position. His hair was mess, looking like he’d been running his hands through it or something. He didn’t look like he was wearing any make-up either (which made sense but still weird to see). It was all so relaxed and casual and perfect.

_You could have given me a little warning_

Jaehyo shook his head and erased it even though he wanted to send that. Geez, how was he supposed to respond to that anyways? It was not fair that Zico could affect him like this, that just a simple picture would make Jaehyo’s heart race so fast he could have been running a marathon.

_You could kill someone with that picture_

Someone meaning Jaehyo. Not that Jaehyo would say that to the guy. He was smart enough to know that there were things he shouldn’t say, couldn’t say. He rather liked this little...whatever was starting to form. It seemed almost like he could call Zico his friend but the actual idea of that was too scary to even really let himself consider.

Besides, admitting that he had a crush on the guy to him was scary. Jaehyo knew he had a preference for guys. He’d tried to date a couple of girls in the past and both of those relationships had just felt wrong. Something had been missing from them. The girls had both been nice but that was it. He hadn’t felt heartbroken when they’d ended. But when he looked at Zico, Jaehyo was able to understand why people in movies and dramas did crazy things in the name of love. Why they would go to the ends of the earth for someone. Zico made him feel alive.

_Better not share that with anyone then, hyung_

Jaehyo was dead. There was no better way to put it. He had died and this was his afterlife tormenting him. It was the only logical conclusion he could come up with. Had he really just read that? And somehow knowing that Zico was just relaxing (IN BED!) made it worse.

And then he saw the last word and really read it. Hyung. Zico had just called him hyung. Jaehyo stopped breathing and just stared. Zico had just called him hyung.

_So I’m ‘hyung’ now?_

Jaehyo wanted to die. He couldn’t believe he’d actually typed and sent those words.

_Do you mind?_

Did Jaehyo mind? He laughed a little and forced himself to sit up.

_No. Just...surprised_


	2. two

He could hear the door open again, the shuffling of feet as they headed towards him. There was a soft knock on the door.

He could only give a groan in response.

“That bad?” The other asked. There was concern in the voice and that made him feel worse.

“I have to run a few errands,” the voice continued. “I left some painkillers and a couple of different things on the dresser. When you’re feeling better, take some?”

He gave another groan in response. It was all he could do to fight the guilt and his stomach threatening to rise up again.

\---

Jaehyo glanced at his watch, trying to squash the butterflies in his stomach and failing. He hoped his nervousness wouldn’t be so obvious but he was fairly sure he was shaking so he he was probably failing at that. He picked up the cup of coffee, taking a sip and wincing at the taste. Why had he agreed to come here again?

The door opened and he looked over at it. Sheer reflex but he couldn’t help it. When he saw who it was, he couldn’t help the grin. There was only one reason why someone would be so covered up when it wasn’t absolutely needed.

Jaehyo raised a hand, waving. He hoped he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself.

“Hi.”

Kill him. Now. Jaehyo felt like sinking into the ground. That was such a horrible, lame way to start this.

“Hey.” A little wave accompanied the greeting. The figure glanced over at the rest of the shop. Jaehyo could practically see him debating if it was wise to uncover or not.

“I think you’re good,” Jaehyo said, trying not to laugh. “This isn’t a busy time of day for this place.”

That, and the fact that it was within walking distance of his apartment, had been why Jaehyo had suggested the place. It certainly wasn’t for the coffee (though he was biased since coffee was gross).

The scarf and hat came off revealing Zico. Jaehyo knew he should have expected it but it was still a surprise to see the guy’s bare face. It made him look softer, more normal. Definitely less scary. Jaehyo was glad. For some reason, he felt more at ease seeing Zico look more like a normal person and less like the Zico he’d always admired on stage.

Jaehyo wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now. This was the first time he’d actually seen the guy since that night that started it all. Sure, they’d been messaging for a few weeks now but this felt different. There was no hiding now.

“Can never be too careful,” Zico answered, still peeling off layers.

Jaehyo could understand the thought behind the statement and gave a little acknowledging nod. “Want me to order for you?”

Zico glanced towards the counter and back at Jaehyo. “Nah, I got it. Anything you recommend?”

Jaehyo shook his head. “I’m actually not a big coffee drinker,” he admitted. “But this place is better than some of the others in the neighborhood.”

Zico laughed, the sound booming. Jaehyo was glad that no one else was around because he felt like everyone would end up looking at them after that. “You don’t drink coffee so you suggested a coffee place?” Zico was grinning, looking like he was trying his hardest to keep from laughing some more.

Jaehyo wanted to die. Could the ground swallow him already? “I guess so…” he admitted.

“I’ll be back in a moment,” Zico promised, dropping his coat on the chair across from Jaehyo.

It took everything in Jaehyo to not watch Zico walk over there, to keep from watching him order. Maybe in another time, when Jaehyo wasn’t Jaehyo but could hide in plain sight...but that wasn’t the case right now.  He couldn’t hide anymore. The thought was terrifying.

Jaehyo took a sip of his drink, wincing at the taste. The actual coffee taste in it had vanished thanks to all the syrup in it but it also made the drink sickeningly sweet.

“What’d you get?” Jaehyo asked when Zico sat down.

“Just an americano,” Zico replied. “Nothing fancy today.”

They sat there in silence. The longer it went on, the more awkward it felt. Jaehyo couldn’t help himself. “This is weird.”

Zico laughed again but this time there seemed to be a nervous tinge to it. “Yeah. I didn’t think it’d be like this.”

“It’s weird to be face to face. I feel like I don’t know how to talk anymore.” Jaehyo hoped his face wasn’t showing just how embarrassed he felt. And babbling. Geez, could he stop with the babbling already? He was talking way too much.

Jaehyo sighed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. This was probably a mistake.”

Zico looked at him, a frown on his face. “I’m the one who said we should hang out. Hyung, don’t tell me you’re wanting to back out now.”

Oh shit. Jaehyo stopped breathing for a moment. ‘Hyung’ was such a dangerous word coming from Zico’s lips. Jaehyo was just glad he hadn’t taken a drink then because he might have choked on it.

“Are you okay?” It looked like there was genuine concern on Zico’s face. He was even leaning over a little, watching Jaehyo carefully in a way that made sweat start to form on the back of his neck.

“I’m fine.” Jaehyo had to speak slowly. It was the only way he could even manage to speak. “I just...the ‘hyung’ surprised me.”

Zico laughed. Even though Jaehyo had heard that laugh probably a million times before, it was still surprising just how loud and booming the guy’s laugh really was. “You didn’t seem to care in messages.”

“That was different.” Jaehyo took another sip, trying to give himself a moment to think. “Those were messages. This is…”

Jaehyo shook his head. “Sorry,” he apologized again.

“Hang on,” Zico replied, holding up his hand. He headed over to the counter, getting his drink. Jaehyo sighed in relief. It was so nerve-wracking, being here and going through this. Messages had been casual and easy but this...it felt like a mistake. The thought wouldn’t leave him alone.

Jaehyo looked at the door, wondering if it was too late to leave. But he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn’t just vanish on Zico even if this was horribly awkward.  Jaehyo took another drink.

“Is it really that bad?” Zico's familiar voice asked, startling Jaehyo. He hadn't realized that the guy had come back.

“Huh?”

Zico pointed at the cup in Jaehyo's hand. “Every time you take a drink, you look like you want to die.”

Oh. Yeah...could the earth just eat him already?

And then the unexpected happened. It all seemed to happen in slow motion but at the same time, faster than he could anticipate. Zico reached over and snagged the cup that Jaehyo had just set down, taking a drink before Jaehyo could stop or warn him.

“What the fuck are you drinking? This is fucking awful.”

The look of horror on Zico's face was adorable. Jaehyo couldn't help but laugh.

“It is,” he agreed. “I'm not a fan of coffee so...I might have told them to add a few extra pumps of syrup.”

“A few?” Zico looked like he didn’t believe that. “I think you had them make it half syrup.”

Jaehyo felt his face heating up. “Is it really that bad?”

“It’s fucking awful.” Zico laughed. “Why’d you suggest this place if you don’t like coffee?”

He had to fight not to fan his face. It was burning up now and Jaehyo wanted to die. “I...thought it would be a good, neutral place,” he admitted. “And it’s in my neighborhood.”

\---

In Jaehyo's neighborhood...Jiho was intrigued by that piece of information. He knew he should probably be wary, to take that information and get out of here. Instead, he relaxed in his chair.

“I see.” He almost winced. That came out sounding harsher than he meant. And it showed when he saw Jaehyo's reaction.

He didn't think it was possible but the guy seemed to practically fold into himself. The fun, confident guy Jiho had gotten to know was nowhere to be found. That disappointed him more than he thought it would.

“It’s a nice place,” Jiho added. He didn’t like seeing this Jaehyo. He wanted to bring back the fun, goofy guy who sent selcas that were not good for Jiho’s health. “I didn’t know this was your neighborhood.”

Jaehyo gave a little nod. “Yeah. I live a few blocks away. I tend to pass this place when I go on a run.”

Jiho took a drink, trying to figure out how to take that. He was curious about Jaehyo, about the sort of life the guy led. But he was also smart enough to realize that asking to see the guy’s place was probably not the smartest move. Not when he knew Jaehyo was a fan. That was just asking for all kinds of trouble.

“Any places I should check out? Never been in this area before.” Was that too much? Jiho hoped not.

Jaehyo actually seemed to think about that for a moment. “It’s a pretty quiet area,” he admitted. “There’s a nice park though. I like taking my camera over there and shooting in it when I get the chance.”

There was some of the Jaehyo he’d started to get to know. Jiho could feel himself relaxing as he listened to Jaehyo go on about how this spot of his had the perfect lighting at sunset and how it always felt magical. Jaehyo was smiling, a true genuine smile. So soft and perfect.

“Can I see this place?” Jiho felt bad for interrupting. It was just, well, the way Jaehyo described this place made Jiho want to see it with his own eyes.

Jaehyo had a look of surprise on his face. “I...are you sure? It’s just a place in a park. There’s nothing that special about it.” Which was at direct odds with the way he’d been describing it but Jiho was starting to realize that this seemed to be part of Jaehyo’s personality.

He found it fascinating how different this Jaehyo was from the Jaehyo in the messages. The one who messaged him was confident, quick-witted. He always came back with something and was someone who Jiho found himself interested in, someone who seemed to be able to keep up with Jiho’s mind and the way it worked. But the actual Jaehyo, the guy in front of him, was different. Not as confident and quieter, a more subdued person. Something about that made Jiho feel protective of the guy. Which was stupid because obviously Jaehyo could take care of himself.

Jiho blinked, realizing that Jaehyo was staring at him.

Shit.

“Sorry, lost myself for a moment.” Jiho scratched the back of his head, hoping his embarrassment wasn’t as obvious as it felt. “But yeah, I want to see that place.”

If he didn’t know better, he’d almost think Jaehyo was blushing. “Now?” Jaehyo asked, his voice practically a squeak. It was a cute squeak and it made Jiho wonder what other noises Jaehyo could make.

Jiho shrugged. “Why not? Unless you’ve got plans with someone else…”

Jaehyo shook his head. “No. No plans for a while,” he replied. “But I do have a shoot tonight.” There was something in that that made Jaehyo perk up. “It’s for a friend who runs a little boutique.”

Jiho couldn’t help but be amused at how similar their worlds felt at times. He could hear himself saying almost those exact words.

“Anything special about it?” Jiho asked. He took another drink. “Why don’t you tell me on the way to your park?”

Jaehyo paused for a moment before giving a little nod. “Yeah, I can do that.” He waited a moment before moving to stand, almost seeming reluctant to do so. Seeing Jaehyo stand there, putting on his jacket, it reminded Jiho just how tall the guy actually was.

Jiho finished his drink before he stood as well. He looked at the various things he’d shed when he’d entered, a little annoyed that he’d have to put them back on so soon. It must have showed on his face somehow because he could hear Jaehyo trying (and failing) at not laughing.

“You know,” the guy said as he watched Jiho, “all that only makes it more obvious you’re trying to hide who you are. The only people who’d bundle up so much are ones trying to hide who they are.”

It made sense but it still went against everything Jiho had been taught about being an idol. “So you’re saying you want me to be noticed.”

“I’m saying,” Jaehyo replied, “that you’re screwed and going to get noticed no matter what.”

He couldn’t help it. Jiho laughed. That was great. He loved how blunt Jaehyo could be, was glad to see this side of the guy again. This was the Jaehyo he wanted to see more of. This was the Jaehyo he wanted.

Jaehyo was looking at him like he had grown a second head. “What?”

It took Jiho a moment to recover. He held up a hand as he tried to catch his breath. “I…” he paused, needing another moment. “That was great. You’re acting like yourself again.”

Jaehyo smiled. It was a sweet smile that sent a jolt through Jiho, settling warmly in his belly. He really hoped that was just his coffee. Even as he thought it, Jiho knew it wasn’t. If it was just the coffee, he wouldn’t be following a known fan to an unknown location. The rational part of Jiho’s brain was able to understand that. But he just couldn’t find it in himself to listen to that part of his brain. Not when he had Jaehyo right here, looking at him and smiling at him. He’d do anything to keep that smile directed towards him.

A few minutes later, Jiho found himself walking down an unfamiliar street, listening to Jaehyo talk about his neighborhood. It should have been boring. But it wasn’t because it was Jaehyo talking. And as Jiho was starting to realize, there was nothing about Jaehyo that was boring.

It should have been scary, realizing just how fond he’d gotten of the guy and so fast. It probably would be scary later, hitting him when he got home. But for now, he found himself willing to go along with it.

“Ah, Zico-ssi, we’ll turn at the next light.”

Jiho froze.

Zico. Jaehyo just called him Zico.

Jaehyo seemed to notice because he stopped and looked at Jiho. “Are you okay?”

How did he answer that? Jiho wasn’t sure. He knew it was stupid, that he shouldn’t be surprised Jaehyo knew him as Zico. After all, he knew Jaehyo was a fan.

It still hurt a little more than he wanted to admit. Than he cared to admit. He’d just thought that maybe Jaehyo might have started to see more than just the stage persona. He had hoped for that. It’d seemed like they’d been getting close. Or had that just been in his head?

He just didn’t want to be Zico. Not with Jaehyo. He wanted to be able to be Jiho, to be himself and not hide who he was. Zico was this tough persona, a way to protect himself from the dangers of fame. He didn’t want to just be Zico though. Not to Jaehyo.

That should have been a terrifying realization. After all, he had no issues letting most people know him as Zico and only Zico. Never before had he wanted to have someone see him for who he truly was so badly. It wasn’t even a want though. He needed to be seen as Jiho by this man standing in front of him.

“Zi...zico-ssi?” Jaehyo was looking at him, concern and confusion written all over his face.

Jiho knew he didn’t have long. He could either be truthful or dance around it. Jiho knew which one he’d choose.

“It’s weird to hear you call me that, hyung,” Jiho admitted. It wasn’t in his nature to play around. He liked being direct, to deal with stuff immediately. Well, stuff like this that was important but wouldn’t necessarily drive Jaehyo away. “You can call me Jiho.”

Jaehyo continued to look at him. Something about his gaze was getting to Jiho. The coffee from earlier wasn’t sitting quite right by now too. Instead of feeling all warm and fuzzy like he had been, he just felt like he was on the verge of losing his stomach. A cold, sick sweat seemed to breaking out along his back as the urge to run hit Jiho.

“I...I didn’t know if that was okay,” Jaehyo replied. He was biting his lip for some reason. That drew Jiho’s attention to them. For the first time, he noticed that Jaehyo’s lips were chapped, looking almost painfully chapped at that.

He wanted to yell at Jaehyo to stop. Jiho just wasn’t sure if that was something he could do. Would that be overstepping the boundary that was so obviously between them right now?

“It’s fine,” was what Jiho said instead. He started walking, hoping Jaehyo would get the message that all really was fine. “You said turn at the light, right?”

Jaehyo caught up with him after just a couple of steps. “Yeah,” the guy said. “We turn and then it’s about a block down.”

They continued to walk, this time without speaking until they reached the gate that marked the park’s entrance. Jiho was ready to walk in when he noticed that Jaehyo had stopped.

“What?”

Jaehyo looked at him, a sad expression on his face. “There’s...there’s something I think I need to tell you.”

Jiho frowned. “Yeah? What is it?” He had a feeling he wouldn’t like whatever it was that he was about to hear.

“I…” Jaehyo sighed heavily. “I think it’s better if I mention this now rather than it coming out later.”

Okay...still didn’t explain what it was but Jiho decided to not interrupt. He didn’t want to scare Jaehyo, to keep him from not telling whatever it was that he seemed to want to tell.

“You know about me,” Jaehyo started. “That I’ve been a fan and whatnot.”

Jiho nodded. “Yeah. You haven’t hidden that.” Which was nice. Probably a bad decision on his part and he knew that but he couldn’t stop.

Jaehyo sighed again, running a hand over his hair. “I...okay.” Jiho had a funny feeling that he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. “I used to do some photography for a fansite.”

Of all the things Jiho had been expecting to hear, that was not it. He let it sink in, not sure just how he should respond. What was he supposed to say?

After what felt like forever (and from the expression Jaehyo was wearing, it probably felt like even longer for him), Jiho finally spoke. “Used to? As in, you don’t any longer?”

Jaehyo’s eyes grew wide. “No. Haven’t since before the last group comeback,” he answered, speaking slowly, almost like he wasn’t sure how to speak.

“But not anymore.”

“No, not anymore, Jiho-ssi” Jaehyo repeated.

This was stupid. It was a bad idea. Jiho was going to get into so much trouble for this. All this would do would invite trouble into his life. He was going to get in trouble for this. Maybe not right now but someday, this would come back to haunt him.

He could deal with it when the time came.

Besides, how could he turn Jaehyo away when the guy said his name? And in a way that made the knot in Jiho’s stomach unravel, flooding him with that same safe, warm, comfortable feeling he’d had earlier. He wanted to live in that feeling forever. He’d never thought it would be so nice to hear someone say his name but it was. He just wanted to hear Jaehyo say it again. And again. He was sure he’d never get sick of hearing Jaehyo say it and that alone made it hard to deny the guy anything.

“Then I don’t see what the problem is, hyung. As long as you’re not selling me out or leaking info…”

\---

_ I hate photoshoots _

Jaehyo glanced at the message and fought back a laugh.

_ Just be glad you’re done when the shoot is over _

Unlike Jaehyo who still had to go through and edit photos after a photoshoot was over. He stared at his phone, waiting for the reply. He knew he had a goofy smile on his face but he couldn’t help it.

This was probably the worst thing for him. He’d always had a crush on Zi-Jiho. It was still hard to get used to calling him that. He’d always used ‘Zico’ to keep himself distanced from the guy. Jaehyo had seen so many fangirls fall into the trap of calling an idol by his actual name and building this fantasy relationship. In the end, they’d only ended up heartbroken when that fantasy got shattered. So it’d always been Zico for him, never Jiho.

But he could admit that he wasn’t quite in the same position as those fangirls.

_ Working on anything? _

Jaehyo saw the question and laughed. There was nothing funny about it. He just couldn’t help himself. He hated himself for it but he couldn’t help the laughter. Just another sign of how far deep into this he was.

_ Editing photos from a shoot _

It was a tedious process but a necessary one. Jaehyo glanced at his phone and sent another.

_ Trying to keep myself awake by thinking about what I want to do later _

That wasn’t too suggestive, was it? He hoped not. He was trying so hard to keep from showing his crush. The absolute last thing he wanted was to freak Jiho out, to scare him away. But it was true that he had to keep forcing himself to focus. They had plans to meet up later and it was hard to keep his mind on work. He kept feeling himself start to drift.

It just...it was hard. To be so close to Jiho and so far at the same time. Jaehyo was closer to the guy than he ever imagined he might be. But that made it hard to keep the wall up, to keep this crush he’d had for years to himself.

_ What? Making plans for us? _

Jaehyo stared at the message and groaned. It was so hard to not read into that. Jiho was bad for him. This whole thing was driving him mad. “He is going to be the death of me,” he murmured.

_ Not really. Just having trouble concentrating on work _

Jaehyo didn’t even have time to set his phone down.

Crap.

Jaehyo groaned again, resting his head on the desk. Too much. Jiho was just too freaking much. It was obvious he was at a photoshoot. The guy looked absolutely perfect. Perfectly styled clothes to make him look tough and fashionable but also ooze sex. Make-up that only enhanced his looks (and geez, just how big and perfect were those lips?).

_ Not. Helping. _

It took everything in him to even send that. Even just looking at the picture again was having an obvious effect on him. He could feel his dick starting to get hard. Not uncomfortable (yet) but just enough to definitely make work an impossibility now.

He just got a string of laughter in reply.

_ Want to just hang out? _

Jaehyo bit his lip as he stared at his screen, waiting for a reply. It was probably the boldest he’d been.

_ I’m serious. I have a bunch of stupid movies and there’d be no worrying about people figuring out where you are _

He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so bold right now. Probably that picture. He just wanted to keep Jiho to himself for once.

This reply was taking forever. Jaehyo sighed, setting the phone down so he could save his work. He needed a drink to help with these nerves. Maybe that’d help him not say stupid things (a total lie but he could dream).

_ Only if you’ll show me some of your work _

Tonight was going to be impossible.

\---

Jiho would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. This was a horrible idea on so many levels. That didn’t stop him from double-checking the directions he’d been texted. Was he really doing this? It had been been one thing to meet Jaehyo in public, to stay in public places. It was another entirely to be going to the guy’s home.

At least he’d been smart enough to tell Yukwon where he was going. Yukwon was busy with his own stuff but he’d also give Jiho some space, wouldn’t be nosy like some people (Kyung, Kyung was the nosy one). But at the same time, if Yukwon didn’t hear from Jiho in a relatively reasonable amount of time, Yukwon would be smart enough to know something bad had happened. Not that Jiho really thought that something bad would happen.

Jiho knew he was probably a fool for thinking that.

“Hey, I’m outside,” he said when Jaehyo picked up.

The butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t often that he felt this way. And they only got worse when he saw Jaehyo emerge from a set of stairs.

“You found it,” was how Jaehyo greeted him. The guy had a big goofy grin on his face that made him look far younger than Jiho knew the guy to be. The casual, comfy looking clothes didn’t help either. Jiho liked this Jaehyo though. There was no air of hiding, of trying to be someone he wasn’t in the way Jaehyo looked.

“It wasn’t too bad,” Jiho answered as he followed Jaehyo up the stairs. This was his last chance to back out, to leave.

He kept going up the stairs. And up some more. Jiho was starting to wonder if it would have made more sense to use an elevator when Jaehyo stopped in front of a door.

“This is it.” Jaehyo’s hand was sitting on the doorknob. It almost seemed like he was hesitating, that he also realized this was the point of no return.

Jiho rolled his eyes. “Yeah, just open the door, hyung,” he answered. He’d already decided to make this leap of faith (though really, he knew he was weak in general when it came to Jaehyo). No need to prolong it.

“You can throw your jacket on the bed,” Jaehyo offered as he opened the door and stepped in. “Want something to drink? I don’t think Taeil’s cleaned out my fridge yet.”

Jiho blinked, trying to take it all in at once.

The apartment was bigger than he imagined it’d be. And messier. That was a big surprise. Jiho had thought Jaehyo would be a neat guy but apparently not. There was probably some method to it but not one that Jiho could figure out with just a glance.

There was a bed shoved into one corner with a small, very cluttered desk next to it. Jiho looked at the desk, trying to figure out just how many computer towers were on it. He was pretty sure he counted four but he wasn’t entirely sure. The two monitors were surrounded by all kinds of things. Jiho could make out a watch and at least one external hard drive.

In all honesty, the desk was terrifying. Jiho turned his attention on the rest of the place, trying to not feel as overwhelmed as he was. A small dresser and small tv were across from the bed. A tiny kitchen area was along one side. A door that Jiho assumed led to the toilet was just to the right of where Jiho stood.

Toeing off his shoes, Jiho stepped in.

“Taeil?” He decided that was the best place to start.

Jaehyo looked up from the open fridge and nodded. “Friend of mine,” he replied. “There’s water, orange juice, and beer.”

“Just water,” Jiho decided. The beer was tempting. If nothing else, the alcohol might help with the nervous jittery feeling that was filling him at the moment.

He glanced around again. “I’m surprised you don’t have any artwork up.” He really would have thought there would be something.

Jaehyo walked over, handing him a glass. “I did for a while but it just ended up being more distracting than anything else.”

Jiho would love to know just how something could apparently be so distracting. Just what was it that Jaehyo apparently couldn’t look away from? The little part of him that wanted to keep Jaehyo to himself wondered if whatever it was might be somehow related to Jiho. He hoped so.

“What in the world could be so distracting?” Jiho asked, half hoping and half teasing.

Jaehyo’s cheeks were definitely pink. Oh this was good. Jiho grinned into his glass, taking a drink and watching Jaehyo. The guy looked like he was trying not to squirm which only made Jiho’s grin grow even more.

Was it me?

Jiho bit back the question even though he was dying to ask it.

“Was it a fandom one?” He asked instead.

From the way Jaehyo’s ears went red, Jiho was pretty sure he was right. He laughed. He couldn’t help it. There was just something so adorable about how Jaehyo looked right now.

“It’s not that funny,” Jaehyo grumbled, turning his back to Jiho. He could practically see the pout on Jaehyo’s face. He could definitely hear it in the guy’s voice.

He did not like this crush. Jiho swallowed hard at the sight of Jaehyo’s back. He wanted to take those few steps to the guy and hug him. Rest his chin on Jaehyo’s shoulder. Kiss the back of his neck.

Jiho shook his head, trying to clear those thoughts from his head. He did not need a boner right now. Besides, there was no way that he wouldn’t end up freaking Jaehyo out.

It didn’t help that this crush wasn’t exactly something he was comfortable with either. Jiho had always figured he hadn’t been interested in dating and relationships before because he’d been so work driven. Like, yeah, he’d had a couple of kiddie relationships before he debuted but they hadn’t been strong emotional connections. They just felt like things he was supposed to do.

Turns out he just hadn’t met the right person.

That thought was driving him crazy. And as much as he wanted to distance himself from Jaehyo to give himself a little time to think about it, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.

“Show me next time,” Jiho decided to throw out as a compromise.

“Next time?”

Jiho could swear he heard a crack from how fast Jaehyo turned around. His eyes were wide, staring at Jiho with a shocked expression. Jiho nodded. Of course there would be a next time. There had to be.

“You want to come back?” Jaehyo took a step forward. The motion seemed to surprise himself and he stopped, eyes still staring at Jiho.

“As long as you don’t try to lock me up here, I don’t see why not,” Jiho replied. Pointing his chin towards the desk, he decided to change the topic. This was getting a little too close to touching on his crush and he wasn’t ready to admit it to Jaehyo yet. “What’s with all the computers?”

That seemed to throw Jaehyo which was perfect. Jiho could see him relax a little. The nervous jittery feeling melted until he was left with a warm pleasant feeling in his belly instead, one that left him feeling satisfied. Usually he only felt like that when he finally felt like he’d gotten a song perfect.

“They’re each for a different thing,” Jaehyo admitted, taking a seat at the desk. “The one that’s hooked up right now is for personal use but others are for things like work.”

Jiho moved over, leaning on the back of the chair. “So none of your work’s on this one?” He asked, looking at the black screen. “I wanted to see more of your stuff.”

The chair moved slightly beneath Jiho’s hands. It took all his self control to not lean over and sniff the guy’s hair. To see if he smelled as good as he looked.

It would be an understatement to say that he was glad that Jaehyo couldn’t really see him right now. That Jaehyo wasn’t looking at him.

“I’ve got a few personal projects on here,” Jaehyo admitted. “Stuff that I might use one day for an artistic show but not necessarily stuff for a client.”

Ooh, perfect. Jiho couldn’t help the grin. “Let me see, hyung~”

Jaehyo looked up at him.

He stopped breathing for a moment. Huge, innocent eyes that Jiho felt like he could melt into. Clear, pale skin with just a hint of pink underneath that hinted at just how strong and healthy Jaehyo was. Those lips...he wondered how they’d feel against his own. Would it hurt? Jaehyo’s were chapped. Not as bad as they’d been in some of the guy’s selcas but it was still noticeable. Or would they be soft? Was Jaehyo good at kissing? He was a good-looking guy. He’d probably had a bunch girlfriends before.

“What?”

Jaehyo was just staring at him.

“You really want to see?” Jaehyo asked, still looking at him.

Jiho was hypnotized by those eyes. He just wanted to dive into them, to dive into Jaehyo and let him surround Jiho. Electric seemed to be flowing through him right now. He was calmer than he’d felt in a long time, maybe since he was a kid.

It was confusing and he hated it but he couldn’t get enough of it either.

He took a drink of water from the cup he’d almost forgotten he was holding. He needed a break. He didn’t want to look away from Jaehyo but he needed to. There was no way Jiho could think, could attempt to speak, if he kept looking into those beautiful eyes.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to,” he was able to say when he was finally able to reply.

“You didn’t really ask,” Jaehyo said, quick to point that out. “But there’s one…you might actually be interested in it.”

Oh? Well that had his attention. Not that Jiho wasn’t already paying attention or anything. “What is it?”

“I mentioned it before.” Jaehyo finally looked at the computer screen, away from Jiho. It was a relief. He leaned over to turn the computer on. “I’ve had a little trouble finding people who are willing to cooperate so most are of my friend Taeil. It’s kind of a silly project but I’ve been collecting tattoos...tattoos and their stories.”

Well damn, Jiho could help with that. He didn’t actually say that but he wanted to.

“You really do have a thing for tattoos, don’t you?” He teased. He hoped he came off as teasing. He didn’t want the hope, the desire he was feeling, to bleed through. Or maybe he did. He really hated this crush.

“I told you already about how I find them interesting.” Jaehyo almost sounded annoyed. Jiho found that he loved that tone. What else could he do that’d drive Jaehyo crazy? It was an evil thought but it stuck with Jiho.

He shifted, putting more of his weight on the chair. If it put him a little closer to Jaehyo, well, that was just an added bonus. Jaehyo shifted, leaning forward in the chair, pulling away from Jiho.

It was a disappointment but he kept quiet about it.

\---

He was going to die. Jaehyo knew it would be a miracle if he made it through this alive. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Jiho was doing this on purpose. He kept getting closer and closer and it was driving Jaehyo insane.

He never wanted it to end.

Opening the folder, he looked at the thumbnails for a moment before picking a particular favorite. It wasn’t one of Taeil’s but Jaehyo had taken it one time he’d been dragged along when the guy had gone into his favorite shop for a little color touch-up.

Jaehyo jumped when he felt the weight of an arm against his shoulder.

“Sorry, hyung.” The tone in Jiho’s voice didn’t sound sorry.

Jaehyo just wanted to bash his head against the desk. Jiho wanted to kill him. And that voice in his ear. Kill him. Please. Jaehyo was going to die anyways so why not make his suffering quick and get it over with now.

But at the same time, this moment could last forever and he’d be in love with it. He’d only dreamed of something like this.

“This…” Jaehyo swallowed hard, trying to get his bearings and be able to speak. “This is one of my favorites.”

It was a simple tattoo but something about it spoke to him. The bird was small and a vivid red. There was nothing that seemed special about it but he was drawn to it. “I’m not sure why,” he added, “there’s just something about it that really speaks to me.”

“It’s cute. Can’t say I’m surprised you like that kind of tattoo,” Jiho added. “It suits you.”

Jiho’s voice was in his ear. His breathing was making the little hairs on the back of Jaehyo’s neck move, tickling them. Jaehyo reached back, rubbing his neck.

The motion apparently caught Jiho’s attention. “What? Am I bugging you?” He asked, leaning any closer if the hot breath was any indication.

“It…” Jaehyo wasn’t sure how to put it. “You’re making my neck ticklish.”

He just wanted the ground to swallow him and his chair. Please. It was the only way he would be able to make it through this.

Jaehyo rubbed the back of his neck again. “I can move the chair over if that’d help,” he added. He needed a break. “Or you could just sit here.”

“What? You offering your lap?”

“Wh..wha?” It took Jaehyo several tries to be able to speak coherently. “What did you just say?”

Jiho laughed. “It was a joke, hyung. What? You thought I’d actually do it?”

Only in his dreams but Jaehyo was definitely not about to say that. He just wanted to wake up from whatever hellish dream this was turning into. He clicked on another photo, partially as a distraction for himself and partially to move this along.

“This is my friend,” he said, looking at the screen. “He’s done a lot of modeling for me actually. Half of these are probably him.”

Jaehyo opened another. “And another of him. Taeil’s had a lot of work done so he makes a good subject.” He looked at the small thumbnails, biting his lip as he tried to decide if he should show the owl tattoo his friend had. Even though Taeil had let him take the pictures, Jaehyo knew the guy wasn’t keen on showing it off still.

“What’s this one?” Jiho asked, leaning forward and tapping the screen.

Which solved the current dilemma Jaehyo was experiencing as the action opened the picture. Touch-screen computers were a wonderful, terrible thing.

“So there’s this one…” Jaehyo didn’t know what else to say. “My friend again,” he explained. “He’s still a bit nervous about sharing this one. It’s a bit of a work in progress. I don’t know why he’s so shy about sharing though. He looks great.”

Jiho was oddly quiet. At least, that’s what it seemed like to Jaehyo. He wanted to look but was afraid. Would it show? The crush he’d had on Jiho ever since the first time Jaehyo had seen the guy. Besides, he knew there was no logical reason to look at the guy right now. He just wanted to.

He felt oddly stuck at the moment.

“What do you think?” The quiet was getting to Jaehyo.

“They’re...you did a good job on these, hyung.” There was something odd about Jiho’s tone. Jaehyo couldn’t help himself. He turned the chair and found himself face to face with the guy.

The look in Jiho’s eyes. Jaehyo had seen something like that look before in photos, on video. Never in person and never directed at himself. It was hypnotizing. He wanted to die. He wanted to live in it forever. If he didn’t know any better, Jaehyo would think there was jealousy in them. But that couldn’t be.

“Jiho-ssi?” He asked. “Is something wrong?”

Jiho didn’t respond. He was just staring. Jaehyo wanted to squirm under the weight of the gaze but couldn’t. He was pinned to the spot, unable to look away.

“Jiho-ssi?” Jaehyo repeated.

“Is there...is there something going on between you and your friend?”

It was an odd question. And a funny one. Jaehyo wanted to laugh at the question. He didn’t. Couldn’t. Not with that look Jiho was directing at him.

“You keep talking about him,” Jiho added.

Did he? Jaehyo couldn’t help the little chuckle. “He’s a good friend. We met when we both served and he helped me get established here in Seoul,” Jaehyo explained. “But there’s nothing going on between us. He keeps trying to set me up with this guy he knows but-”

Shit. Jaehyo covered his mouth, horrified at what he’d just said. He hadn’t meant to say that, to let Jiho know that he was into guys. It wasn’t a huge secret for Jaehyo. It had been something he’d come to terms with after the second girlfriend and discovering Jiho. Some friends knew and so did his brother. He hadn’t mentioned it to his parents yet but he figured he would one day. But shit, he hadn’t wanted to tell Jiho, hadn’t wanted Jiho to know. No doubt it’d make the guy uncomfortable.

Jaehyo wanted to die. He’d wanted to die before but those had been for happy or embarrassed reasons. This was different.

Jiho was still looking at him. The intensity of his gaze hadn’t changed. There wasn’t disgust on his face. That was good. Right?

“You’re gay?”

He couldn’t read Jiho’s tone. Couldn’t hear if there was acceptance or disgust in it.

“I...uh, yeah.” Jaehyo looked away.

If this was a drama or a dream, Jaehyo knew what would happen next. He’d feel a hand on his chin, would be forced to look at Jiho who would lean in and kiss him. Except life wasn’t a drama. That didn’t happen.

Jiho didn’t say anything for what felt like the longest time. Jaehyo wanted to look but couldn’t. Too afraid to see what might possibly be in Jiho’s expression.

“You could have told me.”

The words were soft, so soft that he barely heard them.

Jaehyo stared at his hands. He was sure he was hearing things. Looking up was not an option even though he desperately wanted to.

“Hyung.”

The sharpness in that single word caused Jaehyo to look up.

“You could have told me,” Jiho repeated, looking him in the eyes. “You should have.”

Jaehyo laughed but it came out sharp. It hurt. “I didn’t want you to think I was some crazy fan,” he replied. “That I had any weird intentions.”

He ran a hand through his hair. It didn’t distract him in the slightest. It still felt like his heart was in a vice grip. He just wanted Jiho to go. Seeing him right now hurt. It made Jaehyo want to cry. This was not how he wanted to be in front of Jiho.

“You should probably go.”

Each word stabbed him. He hated saying them. He had to. This was all bad and wrong and Jiho needed to go. Jaehyo couldn’t handle this right now. He just wanted to curl up in his bed with a bottle of something stronger than beer and not deal with this.

“Hyu-”

“Get out!”

He needed Jiho to stay. Jiho had to stay. But he was a good listener. Too good.

Jaehyo winced when he heard the door close.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, staring at the door. He just wanted to cry. He’d just fucked up. This friendship, this wonderful friendship, he’d been building was gone. Destroyed in a moment because he’d said the wrong word.

The tears didn’t come.

_ I fucked up big time. Bring some booze? _

Taeil replied almost immediately.  _ Okay _


End file.
